| Written by Patrick Morley | ||
| Tuesday, September 21 2010 00:00 | ||
| The Hindenburg, an airship as big as the Titanic, was the largest aircraft that had ever flown. After 21 Atlantic crossings, one evening in May 1937 the Hindenburg dramatically burst into flames while attempting to dock in New Jersey and fell to the ground, killing 37 people.
Why did the Hindenburg explode? Strategy Professor Richard Rumelt noted that no one had ever asked the important design question: “Does it make any sense to have people riding in a gondola, strapped to a giant sack of flammable hydrogen gas?” In hindsight, no, of course not. The Hindenburg had a fatal design flaw. But at the time, it looked like a great idea–the smoothest ride in the sky. The “Old Wineskin” of Men’s Ministry ”Men’s ministry” has become the Hindenburg of the contemporary church. Let’s say you attend a church with 100 men. After years of diligently promoting men’s ministry, you have eight men who meet in a small group early on Wednesday mornings. Another twelve men get together one Saturday each month for breakfast followed by a service project. That’s a total of 18 men in your “men’s ministry”–and that’s after many years of sweat and tears. But you’re feeling pretty good about it, so you check “men’s ministry” off your To Do List. What’s wrong with this picture? It’s simple. What about the other 82 men? The whole concept of traditional men’s ministry has a fatal design flaw. It’s simply this: only a small percentage of your men are ever going to join a ministry that is for “men only.” Even if you’re the greatest promoter since P. T. Barnum, you’re still never going to twist enough arms to get more than, say, 20-30% of your men into a traditional “men’s only” ministry. But the church is filled with other men–some of whom don’t “get it,” and others who do. First, the church is filled with men who don’t “get it.” They’re the ones who slip through the cracks. You’ll just never get them to attend the men’s only events, and the church has no other strategy to effectively disciple them. Occasionally one of them, like the Hindenburg, dramatically bursts into flames and becomes the talk of the town. But most just flounder, quietly drifting along in spiritual apathy. Literally millions of men have not become passionate disciples of Christ simply because they were left behind. Second, and perhaps more importantly, the church is filled with men who do “get it.” These are men who are passionate about loving and serving Christ in the homes, church, and work. They’re already teaching the middle school boys, driving the church bus, serving as deacons or elders, doing “fix it” chores for widows, leading a couples’ small group, singing in the choir, coaching youth soccer, ushering, or you name it. Do we really want to be telling these men they aren’t part of our “men’s ministry”? They’re exactly the kind of men we’re trying to produce; yet we make them feel shunned because they won’t participate in our “men’s only” activities. The era of “men’s ministry” as an activity off to the side of the church is an “old wineskin.” This kind of traditional “men’s ministry” is a system perfectly designed to disciple less than 20% of your men. The “New Wineskin” of Ministry to Men Stephen Jobs’ success has always been “waiting for the next big thing.” Here’s the next big thing for your men. Develop an all-inclusive mindset. Traditionally, when asked, “How many men are in your men’s ministry?” a pastor might respond, “Eighteen.” The all-inclusive mindset would say, “If we have 100 men in our church, then the size of our men’s ministry is 100.” Help your leaders see that everything your church does that touches men is “men’s ministry,” from the worship service to ushering to helping in the kitchen. An all-inclusive ministry to men makes disciples of men right where they are. For example, you don’t need your male Sunday school teachers to join a separate men’s ministry. Instead, have them gather thirty minutes early once a month to discuss the challenges of being a male Sunday school teacher. Leaders across America have discovered that in celebrating their “men’s ministry” success to disciple a few men well, they have disguised that the majority of men are slipping through the cracks. The vast majority of men in the church are not leading powerful lives transformed by the gospel of Jesus Christ. Recently the National Coalition of Men’s Ministries, founded in 1996, changed its name to the National Coalition of Ministries to Men. They recognized that the term men’s ministry is an “old wineskin.” The traditional definition of men’s ministry was “activity that happens when men are by themselves,” such as a Saturday morning breakfast or a weekend retreat. Those activities certainly are part of men’s ministry, but they don’t include men who serve in other ways in your church, such as worship or sports activities with kids. Stop using the phrase “men’s ministry;” instead, using an all-inclusive mindset, include all your men by talking about your “ministry to men.” Why did we ever think that more than a fraction of our men would be interested in “men’s only” ministries? Men are busy and committed elsewhere with their children, spouses, careers. Don’t let them slip through the cracks; include all the men in your church. Suggested Applications Gather your leaders and answer these four questions….
The new wineskin is the all-inclusive mindset: However many men we have in our church, that’s the size of our ministry to men. The key question is whether or not we are doing a good job to disciple them right where they are. Pat Morley is the Founder and CEO of Man in the Mirror.
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Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage
Join us for this 2 day, VIDEO,
Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage event!!!
Resolving Conflict
| Written by Patrick Morley & David Delk | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Excerpted and adapted from The Marriage Prayer (Moody Press, Fall 2008)
If you’re married, you have conflict. It’s inevitable when you bind two sinful Why Conflict in Marriage Hurts So Much Since we truly have become one flesh, there is a vulnerability in marriage
Resolving Conflict One essential thing we’ve found from experience: if you want to have great Don’t get us wrong. We should be sensitive and thoughtful in the way we speak to our spouses. But many of us cross a line where we are not expressing the whole truth because we are afraid of how our spouse will react. When this becomes a habit you have no real way of dealing with conflict. Learn to speak the truth in love and let God determine the results. Speak with gentleness, humility, and a genuine desire for the other person’s best interest. One practical way to foster honest communication—don’t focus on your spouse’s behavior, instead express how you are impacted as a result of their behavior.
You also foster honest communication when you think ahead and don’t have to reinvent how to handle conflict every time it occurs. Make an actual plan for how you will bring up and handle conflicts. Here are a few suggestions (mark beside each if you want to actually try to implement it):
The secret of functional families is honest, open communication especially when it comes to conflict resolution. Remember, nobody can make you unhappy unless you give them permission. Having honest communication is one way of denying permission to someone else to make you unhappy.
When we make our spouse our top priority (after God), we will still have conflict, but now we have a full emotional bank account and the reserves to handle conflict well. Here’s a phrase from the Marriage Prayer that summarizes this teaching—“Lord, help me love You more than her, and her more than anyone or anything else.” When we love God and our spouse more than ourselves, we see conflict as a chance to reflect and repent. Handled biblically, conflict can become an opportunity to make your marriage better than it has ever been before.
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How to Lead a Family Devotion
| Written by Patrick Morley |
| In 30 years of working with men, no pain men face seems to hurt as much as “child pain.” On the other hand, if your children are doing well, all of your other problems will fit into a thimble.Now that I have two grown, happily married children who are walking with the Lord, I can look back and see what set the stage for their spiritual walks. One VERY important activity was to set aside a time for a brief family devotion at the beginning of most days during the school year. It was not so much the activity itself as the “message” about how important Patsy and I deemed devotions, the discussions that it got our family into, and the spirit of prayer it fostered both then and now.
I wrote up how we did our family devotions for the book, Devotions For Couples, Zondervan). Here is an edited version of that chapter… As my personal ministry I teach a large Bible study on Friday mornings. No small commitment, I usually spend fifteen hours a week on this ministry, most of which is preparing the message. One day it fell on me like a heavy boulder. You are giving your very best thinking to these men, most of whom will not be in your life more than a few years. Meanwhile, you are doing nothing for your very own children — the ones you love the most and who most need you. I reasoned that if I was going to share biblical truths with others that I should also share them with my family. So we began holding a fifteen minute family devotion just before the kids left for school. We did not even begin to attempt this every day. I have a standing Friday morning commitment, and the kids from time to time needed to leave early or were running especially late (I say “especially” because they were always at least a little late!). So we usually made it three or four mornings a week. We only did devotions during the school year. During the summer we took a break. It’s good for kids (and dads) to have a break. Besides, they got up at different times during summers. How did we do it? On a typical morning, From the start I tried to set an upbeat, enthusiastic tone, although sometimes I didn’t feel that way myself. I tried to hook them with a story, quote, or question that related to their world and interests. Some were better than others. Next, I related the point of the opening hook to the Bible. Next, I pointed out the spiritual principle and how it could apply to us that day. Finally, I closed off with a question or asked if they have a comment. I allowed about ten minutes for all of this. It would have been just as effective to simply read from a youth devotional like “Youth Walk” (check with a Christian book store). After the Bible portion of the devotion we closed in prayer. In the early days it became clear that the prayers were shallow and self-centered: “Lord, let us have a good day and bless our family.” So we changed formats and began to pray for one needy or hurting person each day in addition to personal and family needs. This request could be suggested by any of us—the kids, Patsy, or me. They could be a youth, an adult, or a family. The problems were usually related to health, finance, or broken relationships. It was not necessary that everyone in the family knew the person we prayed for personally. We got off to a rocky start. I didn’t pay close enough attention to the time, and made them run late on several occasions (they received detentions if they were late for school). Several sessions ended with a stormy conclusion! Finally, my wife had the idea for me to keep a travel clock in the top drawer of the end table next to where I would sit. I would watch the time and, just before we prayed, I would tell the kids exactly what time it was so they could relax. This was a small, but very practical consideration. From time to time our daughter, who is older, would read something that touched her and ask if she could do the devotion. Usually that was at the last minute after I had already prepared something, but I always eagerly said yes to her initiative. (We could always do mine the next day!) Patsy and I had a desire to disciple our children so that they can disciple others. Letting them lead helped train them. When I was away on a trip I had one of the kids take over for me. This was helpful. Today, both of our grown children lead Bible studies. Most mornings they didn’t start out looking very interested. This was hard to get used to. If the hook was moving or especially relevant they got into it, but not always. Many mornings their eyes look glazed over and I wondered if it was worth all the effort. My daughter attended a small discipleship After hearing that, I stopped wondering if it was worth the effort! Why not give it a try! “Routinize” daily devotions into your family life. Set realistic expectations. If you have a couple of false starts, don’t abandon the idea. Is it too bold to suggest that the spiritual health of your children may be at stake? Establish them in this habit when they are young, and they will mostly likely stick with it when they grow up. The Bible puts it this way: “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it” (Proverbs 22:6). If not this method, then find something else you can do to “routinize” daily devotions into the lives of your children. If you do, all of your other problems will fit into a thimble. AN ACTION PLAN STEP 1: Read and discuss this article with your wife and decide what you want to do. STEP 2: Ask your children for their input about how to make this idea work for them. STEP 3: Set your first daily devotion. Consider 15 minutes as a guideline. STEP 4: Follow or adapt this format….
Business leader, author, and speaker, Patrick Morley helps men think more deeply about their lives, to be reconciled with Christ, and to be equipped for a larger impact on the world. David Delk is the President of Man in the Mirror © 2003. Patrick Morley and David Delk. All rights reserved. |
Seven Tips to Develop Your Own Bible Reading Plan
| Written by Patrick Morley | |||
| Tuesday, November 15 2011 00:00 | |||
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Encourage Young Men…
| Written by David Delk |
| Wednesday, October 20 2010 00:00 |
| Encourage Young Men…by David Delk
Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us. Titus 2:6-8 My son was just finishing his freshman year at college and planning to return home for the summer. He’d been able to line up a summer job in Orlando and I was praying and thinking about ways for us to connect while he was home. I knew that he would likely be very busy between catching up with old friends, our vacation schedule, a few trips he had planned, and his work. So I wanted to be intentional but also simple. I knew it was the right time in my son’s life - it wouldn’t have been the same while he was still in high school, and it probably would not have been as effective if we waited until he was 25. Here are some of the specific lessons we learned:
I was so grateful that these men would take the time to make an investment in my son. And I think most of them were grateful to have an opportunity to speak into a young man’s life and share what they have learned. Here’s a step by step plan for implementing this with your son, grandson, or a few young men in your community. (Based on my experience, I would limit it to at most three young men – that would be a breakfast of five people including you.)
Your Turn There you have it. A practical and simple way to make a difference in the lives of younger men. Invest fifteen or twenty hours to significantly impact a young man, and God may just use it to change your life as well. Yours for changed lives,
David Delk |
How to Have an Accountable Relationship
| Written by Patrick Morley | |
| Tuesday, August 16 2011 00:00 | |
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The Highest Honor to Which a Man Can Aspire
| Written by Patrick Morley | |||
| Tuesday, April 19 2011 00:00 | |||
Pat Morley is the Founder and CEO of Man in the Mirror. © 2011. Pat Morley. All rights reserved. This article may be reproduced for non-commercial ministry purposes with proper attribution.
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Man a Trinity Part III
The Soul of Man

Study By: Lehman Strauss
Man not only has a living soul but he is a living soul. The Bible says: “And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and man became a living soul” (Genesis 2:7). We must be careful not to confound that which is truly spiritual and that which is merely soulish or psychical. We have seen that the spirit of man is the sphere of activity where the Holy Spirit operates in regeneration. Just so is the soul the sphere of activity where Satan operates making his appeal to the affections and emotions of man.
Satan knows full well that he dominates the psychical or the soulish man. Therefore he does not care if a man goes to a church where the Spirit of God is not in evidence. He knows that his victim is a creature of emotions, and it matters not if the emotions are stirred to sentimentalism or even to tears, just so long as man’s spirit does not come in contact with God’s Holy Spirit. Personally, I believe that Satan would rather have man go to a modernistic church where there is false worship than he would have him go to a house of prostitution. The soul is the seat of the passions, the feelings, and the desires of man; and Satan is satisfied if he can master these. F. W. Grant has said that the soul is the seat of the affections, right or wrong, of love, hate, lusts, and even the appetites of the body.
Hamor said to Jacob, “The soul of my son Shechem longeth for your daughter” (Genesis 34:8). Of David and Jonathan it is written: “The soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul” (1 Samuel 18:1). These passages show the soul to be the seat of the affections. But as the soul loves, so it also hates. We read of those “that are hated of David’s soul” (2 Samuel 5:8).
It is in the soul where fleshly lusts, desires, and appetites arise:
Abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul (Peter 2:11).
As cold waters to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far country (Proverbs 25:25).
It shall be even as when a hungry man dreameth, and behold, he eateth; but he awaketh, and his soul is empty; or as when a thirsty man dreameth, and behold, he drinketh; but he awaketh, and behold, he is faint, and his soul hath appetite (Isaiah 29:8).
The soul of man, that is, his affections and desires, are never directed Godward until after the spirit has become regenerated. Man can never love God nor the things of God until he is born from above. He may have a troubled conscience or be so stirred emotionally that he may weep bitterly, and still remain dead in trespasses and in sins. We do not feel that we are guilty of judging men when we state that some who have answered an altar call and shed tears never were born again. Man’s desires and affections are turned toward God when he realizes his sinful condition and God’s grace in salvation. When the Spirit of God illuminates the spirit of a man with divine light and life, that man begins to yield his affections and faculties to God.
The Virgin Mary said; “My soul doth magnify the Lord, And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour” (Luke 1:46, 47). She could not extol the Lord in her soul until she had recognized God in her spirit as her Saviour. The initial triumph is in the spirit when Jesus Christ is acknowledged as personal Saviour. In that immortal classic of the Psalms, David says: “He restoreth my soul” (Psalm 23:3). The Hebrew word translated “restoreth” is said to mean quite literally “turneth back.” At no time had David lost his salvation, but there were times when his affections and desires were turned from the Lord, as in the case of his sin with Bathsheba. Having become one of the Divine Shepherd’s flock, he testified: “The Lord turneth back my soul.” The Christian who is enjoying unbroken communion with his Lord will then be able to say, “Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name” (Psalm 103:1).
Man a Trinity Part II
Study By: Lehman Strauss
The word “spirit” when used in the Scriptures has several meanings. Whenever the word “Spirit” appears used with a capital letter, it has but one meaning. It is the name of the third Person of the Trinity, the Holy Spirit of God. The word “spirit” spelled with a small letter may have one of several different meanings. It can have direct reference to the spirit of man which is as much a part of the tripartite nature of man as the Spirit of the living God is a Person of the Holy Trinity. Or it can indicate an evil spirit such as any agent of the Devil. We will confine ourselves here to the Biblical usage of the word only as it relates to the spirit of man, one of the three constituent parts of his being. The threefold nature of man might be illustrated in several ways. Dr. Clarence Larkin uses three circles (Rightly Dividing The Word, page 86). The outer circle stands for the body of man, the middle circle for the soul, and the inner for the spirit. At this point it will be well to quote a portion from Dr. Larkin’s book:
In the outer circle the ‘Body’ is shown as touching the Material world through the five senses of ‘Sight,’ ‘Smell,’ ‘Hearing,’ ‘Taste’ and ‘Touch.’
The Gates to the ‘Soul’ are ‘Imagination,’ ‘Conscience,’ ‘Memory,’ ‘Reason’ and the ‘Affections.’
The “Spirit” receives impressions of outward and material things through the soul. The spiritual faculties of the ‘Spirit’ are ‘Faith,’ ‘Hope,’ ‘Reverence,’ ‘Prayer’ and ‘Worship.’
In his unfallen state the ‘Spirit’ of man was illuminated from Heaven, but when the human race fell in Adam, sin closed the window of the Spirit, pulled down the curtain, and the chamber of the spirit became a death chamber and remains so in every unregenerate heart, until the Life and Light giving power of the Holy Spirit floods that chamber with the Life and Light giving power of the new life in Christ Jesus. It develops then that the spirit of man, being the sphere of God-consciousness, is the inner or private office of man where the work of regeneration takes place. Dr. James R. Graham says that the main theatre of the Holy Spirit’s activity in man, and the part of man’s nature with which He has peculiar affinity, is the spirit of man. The Apostle Paul gives us the Word of God on this, a passage that is sadly neglected. Quoting from the sixty-fourth chapter of the book of the Prophet Isaiah, Paul wrote: But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him.
A great many people stop here, content to remain in ignorance. However, Paul continues: But God hath revealed them unto us by His Spirit; for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God. For what man knoweth the things of a man, save the spirit of man which is in him? Even so the things of God knoweth no man, but the Spirit of God (1 Corinthians 2:9-11).
Man in his unregenerate state comes to know the things of man by the operator of “the spirit of man” which is in him. If I have a will to know certain scientific facts, by my human spirit I am enabled to investigate, think, and weigh evidence. If I set myself to the task, I may become a scientist of world-renown and of great accomplishments. However, my human spirit is “limited to the things of man.” If I want to know about the things of God, my dead and dormant spirit is not able to know them. The natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God; for they are foolishness unto him; neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned (1 Corinthians 2:14). The human spirit requires “the spark of regeneration” before there is an understanding of the things of God. Man’s spiritual nature must be renewed before there is a true conception of Godliness. Only one thing stands as a guard at the door of man’s spirit, and that is his own will. When the will is surrendered, the Holy Spirit takes up His abode in the spirit of man. And when that transaction takes place we will know it, for, says Paul: The Spirit Himself (meaning the Holy Spirit) beareth witness with our spirit, that we are children of God (Romans 8:16 R.V.). Many people confess that they get nothing out of the Bible even though they attend church and read their Bibles regularly. Perhaps they do not know that they are not regenerated and that they need to yield their will to the Spirit of God so that He can renew their human spirits. The deep things of God never will be understood by the world outside of Jesus Christ. Our Lord warned His disciples, Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine (Matthew 7:6).
The spirit of the unregenerate man has no more capacity to appreciate the things of God than a dog has to appreciate holy things, or a hog a genuine pearl necklace. We read that “The dog is turned to his own vomit again; and the sow that was washed to her wallowing in the mire” (2 Peter 2:22). This they did because the dog was a dog and the sow was a sow. No amount of religion or church activity can change the spirit of the unregenerate man. “Remember,” says Dr. G. Campbell Morgan, “if out of false charity or pity you allow men of material ideals and worldly wisdom to touch holy things, to handle the pearls of the Kingdom, presently they will turn and rend you. This is the whole history of Christendom’s ruin, in the measure in which Christendom is ruined. We gave holy things to dogs. We cast the pearls of the Kingdom before swine.” The ministry of Christ’s Church dare not be entrusted to any man who has not been born again, for “That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit” (John 3:6). The Bible says; “There is a spirit in man; and the inspiration of the Almighty giveth them understanding” (Job 32:8). Here we are told that it is the spirit of man that is given understanding. The materialist tells us that the spirit of man is the air that he breathes, and that man’s body is all there is to his personality. Such is not the case. The spirit of man is his personality and it is that which differentiates him from the lower animal creation. If “spirit” meant merely “breath,” God certainly would not deal with it as a personality. He is called “The God of the spirits of all flesh” (Numbers 16:22), and “the Father of spirits” (Hebrews 12:9). It is by his spirit that the Christian both serves and worships God. Paul testified: “For God is my witness, Whom I serve with my spirit in the Gospel” (Romans 1:9). Jesus said: “God is a spirit; and they that worship Him must worship Him in spirit and in truth” (John 4:24).











